Gloria Phifer
I have had an unsettling lately. With jaw pain and heaviness in my chest I had an ambulance ride to the hospital where I spent two days going through tests. The nitroglycerin took away the pain. All my test came back normal. I didn't have an angiogram.
over 20 yrs ago I had an angiogram and defibulated from being allergic to the dye. So I was very thankful when the doctor let me go home without one. But now there are more symptoms.
How do I get settled? It looks like the only way to settle it is have an angiogram.
Lord help me to settle in my mind that You will be with me in all circumstances. I place my life and future in Your Hands knowing that You love me.
I have joined the writers at Five Minute Friday...we write on one word for five minutes...the word was "Settle."
My view of God and His loveliness... IN HIS HAND...by Gloria Phifer
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Friday, March 30, 2018
Friday, January 27, 2017
GIVING UP THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL
Gloria Phifer
I was raised in a dysfunctional home. Alcohol, fights, moving almost every year.
I would tell myself how strong I was. That I could endure, laying in bed, waiting for the bar to close, so my mom would come home.
Taking care of my brother...though I was scared.
Being the new girl in a new school. Trying to fit it.
Nothing was in my control.
Migraine headaches. arms and legs feeling weak. But yet, I told myself how strong I was.
During this time, I almost drowned, and a friend that was with me did drown. The question kept coming to me, "Would you have gone to Heaven?" I couldn't answer yes.
A man, my mother had known, began stalking us. He sat in his car, on the corner, watching our house. I was afraid. I prayed and asked God for help.
As I was walking home from school, my feet dragging, the thought came into my mind..."Are you saved?" Saved? I began arguing with this thought. "I'm a good girl. I don't smoke, I don't drink...you should see my friends." Then, two verses of Scripture came in my mind. (Now you need to know we didn't go to church.) "IT is a straight and narrow way and you must be born again."
I'm not sure if I knew how to be "born again." But I knew I wasn't on a straight and narrow way. I also had the knowing, that this was a commitment. It meant giving up control to Someone else. And I didn't want to do that. I wanted to control my own life. I was 15 at the time.
I was watching Billy Graham. I was 18. When he gave the altar call, I knew I needed to accept Jesus. You would think by now, after one of the worse summers of my life, I would release my control. But I didn't. I didn't know what He would do with my life?(I didn't know The Lord. I didn't know His character) And through everything I had been through...trust was not easy for me. I thought I could not trust anyone.
I did begin to try and read the Bible, but I ended up seeing judgments and demons and it scared me. I went to the Methodist Church and was sprinkled, hoping that would take care of it all...but it didn't.
I married at 19. We found out I was expecting. Almost as soon as we had the good news...I miscarried that baby. I yelled at the doctor, "I don't want to lose this baby!"
I thought God was punishing me.
My husband, who was in the air force, received orders for Alaska; on a base in isolation. I could not go with him. Another thing I could not control.
I came to Iowa to live with his parents. After he left, I realized I was expecting another baby. This was what brought me out of a depression. Our daughter was born in January. We moved into an apartment where I looked out at a brick wall. Some times I felt like I was really losing it. My daughter was my one joy in my life.
I was not living in Iowa!!! (Did I say I thought I was in control?) When my husband returned from Alaska, and his time in the air force was over, moving west, where I had come from, did not work out.
We moved to a town in Iowa. One neighbor, by our house, was a Baptist girl who invited me to church. On the other side was an Open Bible gal who had been raised in church.
I began going to the Baptist church with my neighbor. They told me to read the Book of John in my Bible. Every afternoon, while our daughter napped, I read. It was like water for a thirsty soul.
By this time, I realized I needed God. I needed this "Born again."
I realized, that without God, nothing was really in my control. Everything had been spiraling down.
I had a husband and daughter I loved, and yet I fought fear and unhappiness.
When our daughter was a year and half old...I accepted Jesus Christ into my life and was filled with The Holy Spirit.
I let The One Who is in control...be in control. I thought to myself, "why didn't I do this earlier?" I found a Friend. A Savior. Someone Who knew me, loved me, cared about me. Someone I could trust.
I was 22 years old when I finally gave it all to Jesus and asked Him into my life. That was 51 years ago.
A lot of times we want to hang on. To control. Only to find out...we really are not in control. I recommend my Jesus to you. I never knew peace and safety until I knew Him. Put yourself in His Hands you will be safe there.
Let's pray "Lord Jesus, I believe You died on the cross for me. I accept You as my Savior. Come into My life and take control. I put my trust in You, In Jesus Name Amen.
 |
| IN HIS HAND...painted by Gloria Phifer |
I was raised in a dysfunctional home. Alcohol, fights, moving almost every year.
I would tell myself how strong I was. That I could endure, laying in bed, waiting for the bar to close, so my mom would come home.
Taking care of my brother...though I was scared.
Being the new girl in a new school. Trying to fit it.
Nothing was in my control.
Migraine headaches. arms and legs feeling weak. But yet, I told myself how strong I was.
During this time, I almost drowned, and a friend that was with me did drown. The question kept coming to me, "Would you have gone to Heaven?" I couldn't answer yes.
A man, my mother had known, began stalking us. He sat in his car, on the corner, watching our house. I was afraid. I prayed and asked God for help.
As I was walking home from school, my feet dragging, the thought came into my mind..."Are you saved?" Saved? I began arguing with this thought. "I'm a good girl. I don't smoke, I don't drink...you should see my friends." Then, two verses of Scripture came in my mind. (Now you need to know we didn't go to church.) "IT is a straight and narrow way and you must be born again."
I'm not sure if I knew how to be "born again." But I knew I wasn't on a straight and narrow way. I also had the knowing, that this was a commitment. It meant giving up control to Someone else. And I didn't want to do that. I wanted to control my own life. I was 15 at the time.
I was watching Billy Graham. I was 18. When he gave the altar call, I knew I needed to accept Jesus. You would think by now, after one of the worse summers of my life, I would release my control. But I didn't. I didn't know what He would do with my life?(I didn't know The Lord. I didn't know His character) And through everything I had been through...trust was not easy for me. I thought I could not trust anyone.
I did begin to try and read the Bible, but I ended up seeing judgments and demons and it scared me. I went to the Methodist Church and was sprinkled, hoping that would take care of it all...but it didn't.
I married at 19. We found out I was expecting. Almost as soon as we had the good news...I miscarried that baby. I yelled at the doctor, "I don't want to lose this baby!"
I thought God was punishing me.
My husband, who was in the air force, received orders for Alaska; on a base in isolation. I could not go with him. Another thing I could not control.
I came to Iowa to live with his parents. After he left, I realized I was expecting another baby. This was what brought me out of a depression. Our daughter was born in January. We moved into an apartment where I looked out at a brick wall. Some times I felt like I was really losing it. My daughter was my one joy in my life.
I was not living in Iowa!!! (Did I say I thought I was in control?) When my husband returned from Alaska, and his time in the air force was over, moving west, where I had come from, did not work out.
We moved to a town in Iowa. One neighbor, by our house, was a Baptist girl who invited me to church. On the other side was an Open Bible gal who had been raised in church.
I began going to the Baptist church with my neighbor. They told me to read the Book of John in my Bible. Every afternoon, while our daughter napped, I read. It was like water for a thirsty soul.
By this time, I realized I needed God. I needed this "Born again."
I realized, that without God, nothing was really in my control. Everything had been spiraling down.
I had a husband and daughter I loved, and yet I fought fear and unhappiness.
When our daughter was a year and half old...I accepted Jesus Christ into my life and was filled with The Holy Spirit.
I let The One Who is in control...be in control. I thought to myself, "why didn't I do this earlier?" I found a Friend. A Savior. Someone Who knew me, loved me, cared about me. Someone I could trust.
I was 22 years old when I finally gave it all to Jesus and asked Him into my life. That was 51 years ago.
A lot of times we want to hang on. To control. Only to find out...we really are not in control. I recommend my Jesus to you. I never knew peace and safety until I knew Him. Put yourself in His Hands you will be safe there.
Let's pray "Lord Jesus, I believe You died on the cross for me. I accept You as my Savior. Come into My life and take control. I put my trust in You, In Jesus Name Amen.
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