GIVING UP THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL

Gloria Phifer

IN HIS HAND...painted by Gloria Phifer

I was raised in a dysfunctional home. Alcohol, fights, moving almost every year.

I would tell myself how strong I was. That I could endure, laying in bed, waiting for the bar to close, so my mom would come home.

Taking care of my brother...though I was scared.

Being the new girl in a new school. Trying to fit it.

Nothing was in my control. 

Migraine headaches. arms and legs feeling weak. But yet, I told myself how strong I was.

During this time, I almost drowned, and a friend that was with me did drown. The question kept coming to me, "Would you have gone to Heaven?" I couldn't answer yes. 

A man, my mother had known, began stalking us. He sat in his car, on the corner, watching our house. I was afraid. I prayed and asked God for help.

As I was walking home from school, my feet dragging, the thought came into my mind..."Are you saved?" Saved? I began arguing with this thought. "I'm a good girl. I don't smoke, I don't drink...you should see my friends." Then, two verses of Scripture came in my mind. (Now you need to know we didn't go to church.) "IT is a straight and narrow way and you must be born again." 

I'm not sure if I knew how to be "born again." But I knew I wasn't on a straight and narrow way. I also had the knowing, that this was a commitment. It meant giving up control to Someone else. And I didn't want to do that. I wanted to control my own life. I was 15 at the time.

     I was watching Billy Graham. I was 18. When he gave the altar call, I knew I needed to accept Jesus.  You would think by now, after one of the worse summers of my life, I would release my control. But I didn't. I didn't know what He would do with my life?(I didn't know The Lord. I didn't know His character) And through everything I had been through...trust was not easy for me. I thought I could not trust anyone.

I did begin to try and read the Bible, but I ended up seeing judgments and demons and it scared me. I went to the Methodist Church and was sprinkled, hoping that would take care of it all...but it didn't.

I married at 19. We found out I was expecting. Almost as soon as we had the good news...I miscarried that baby. I yelled at the doctor, "I don't want to lose this baby!" 
I thought God was punishing me.

   My husband, who was in the air force, received orders for Alaska; on a base in isolation. I could not go with him. Another thing I could not control. 

   I came to Iowa to live with his parents. After he left, I realized I was expecting another baby. This was what brought me out of a depression. Our daughter was born in January. We moved into an apartment where I looked out at a brick wall. Some times I felt like I was really losing it. My daughter was my one joy in my life.

I was not living in Iowa!!! (Did I say I thought I was in control?) When my husband returned from Alaska, and his time in the air force was over, moving west, where I had come from, did not work out.

We moved to a town in Iowa. One neighbor, by our house, was a Baptist girl who invited me to church. On the other side was an Open Bible gal who had been raised in church.

I began going to the Baptist church with my neighbor. They told me to read the Book of John in my Bible. Every afternoon, while our daughter napped, I read. It was like water for a thirsty soul.

By this time, I realized I needed God. I needed this "Born again."
I realized, that without God, nothing was really in my control. Everything had been spiraling down.

 I had a husband and daughter I loved, and yet I fought fear and unhappiness. 

When our daughter was a year and half old...I accepted Jesus Christ into my life and was filled with The Holy Spirit. 

I let The One Who is in control...be in control. I thought to myself, "why didn't I do this earlier?" I found a Friend. A Savior. Someone Who knew me, loved me, cared about me. Someone I could trust. 

I was 22 years old when I finally gave it all to Jesus and asked Him into my life. That was 51 years ago.

A lot of times we want to hang on. To control. Only to find out...we really are not in control. I recommend my Jesus to you. I never knew peace and safety until I knew Him. Put yourself in His Hands you will be safe there.

Let's pray "Lord Jesus, I believe You died on the cross for me. I accept You as my Savior. Come into My life and take control. I put my trust in You, In Jesus Name Amen.

                                     A JOURNEY TO LIFE
Gloria Phifer

This December I enter my 73rd year...yes...it really is true.

I have been on a journey all my life.

My journey began in a little town of New Mexico called Magdalena. I was born to an 18 year old girl, who didn't really want to be pregnant.

I never really knew my father...they divorced when I was three and he moved to California.

My step dad, who I thought was my real father, until my 10th year. I was told he was not. That summer he was accidentally electrocuted on his job as a lineman for the public service company of New Mexico. Not only was he not my father...but now he was gone.

Another step dad. And entered in, the worse enemy we could encounter...addiction...alcohol and eventually drugs.

My journey brought me through going to 14 different schools. Never feeling secure or safe, eventually to seek for God's help.

There were times when The Lord would speak to my heart about giving my life to Him. (mind you, we didn't go to church) but I was praying for help. Somehow I knew it meant total surrender and I didn't want to give up control.

My journey led me to meet a young man from Iowa. He was in the air force, we both were 18 yrs old. We married when I was 19 and he was 20.

My journey brought me to the state of Iowa. My husband was sent to Alaska for a year in isolation, through the air force, and I couldn't go with him,

I lived with his family. Which sounds good, but it was very uncomfortable. After my husband left I realized I was pregnant.
Our daughter was born in January. My husband returned when she was 4 months old.

I was not going to live in Iowa...no sir...I was returning to New Mexico. God had a different plan...a different journey.

It consisted of a job offer for my husband. Moving to a town in Iowa, where Gloria went to church with a neighbor. I began reading in The Book of John. By this time I realized...I wasn't in control of my life and I needed help, because I fought so much fear.

At 22, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and then...my journey really began. It was a journey in Light not darkness.

That has been a little over 50 years. In all journeys there are ups and downs. There are mountain highs...like having 3 children. Then there are valleys where your children and even your grandchildren grow up to began their own journeys. And they move out of state.

Letting go is a huge journey...entrusting the ones you love into The Lord's Hands, knowing He will be in charge, just like He has been in charge in my journey. He truly has led me to lay down in green pastures and beside the still waters. He has restored my broken soul. He has more than made up for my childhood..

He has given me a wonderful husband, we will be married 53 years this month. Three wonderful children and 9 grandchildren and 1 great grandchildren.

My journey continues. and I walk in the path or righteousness with Him...My Shepherd...The One Who leads me on my journey. Someday my journey will take me to Heaven. With The Lord's help I want to live my life...my journey here on earth...in the Light of Eternity. 

If you are struggling on your journey call out to Jesus Christ. I can guarantee you He will come and He will be your Shepherd on your journey. When The Shepherd is near...there is nothing to fear.

LOSING AN OPPORTUNITY

Gloria Phifer

I am joining the group of bloggers from FMF...the word is "Lose."

Have you ever hung on so tight because you didn't want to "lose?"

As a teenager, with a very dysfunctional home, I began praying 

for God's help.

I was walking home from school and this thought came as a question.  "Are you saved?" MMMm...this must be a spiritual question.

I had been sprinkled in the Methodist Church when I was 12.
But I couldn't answer the question with a yes. So, I began recounting what a good kid I was. I didn't drink, or smoke...and I told this thought... "You should see my friends."

Two scriptures came into my mind. (Just so you know, we were not church going people...let alone...knowing The Bible.)
"You must be born again. and it is a straight and narrow way."

Well, I shifted my school books in my arms as I walked. I knew in my heart I wasn't born again (although I didn't really know at that time what that meant.) I also knew in my heart that I wasn't on the
straight and narrow way. 

I felt that this was a life-changing decision. What would God do with me? I knew this meant everything...not just a small piece of myself...

Here I had been praying for help. Even then, I knew it was God.
But, I didn't want to give up control of my life.

Sorry to say, I dismissed (not a good word) the thought. I did think to myself that maybe I would when I got older. 

My life (my families life) kept spiraling downward, with my parents alcohol abuse and our constant moving. 

It is a long story, but when I was 22 yrs old  I knew I needed this "Born again and narrow way." I knew I needed God. I was fighting fear constantly. 

I began reading in the Book of John. It was like water to a thirsty person...which I was. I prayed and asked Jesus to come into my life. I guess The Lord knew I needed some strong evidence...because inside of me there was a strong shaking as I prayed.

We were talking about losing...at 15 I lost the opportunity that I should have taken. Once I came to The Lord. I found someone Who loved me and took care of me. 

If you are afraid of losing your life by coming to Christ (you know that control thing) Let me assure you...you gain real life in Christ. You enter the most wonderful relationship you will ever have.
I was 22...now I am 72. Jesus is my Best Friend...my Savior...my Good Shepherd.

Coming to Jesus there is nothing to lose...only Abundant Life to gain.