A NEW SEASON OF LIFE

Gloria Phifer

I live in a state that has four different seasons. I love the different seasons. the weather can change in the middle of the day or night.

I have been going through a lot in this season of life. I was 74 in December. I remember when I thought that was ancient. But, now I am there!  It is a season of letting go. Of finding new purpose.

I no longer have young children at home...who I miss, but I know I don't have the strength and endurance I had in my 20's and 30's.

I miss their teenage years when the phone (no cell phones then) rang off the hook. When other teenage friends cars filled our drive way. 

Then our children married. Which was a joy. It was a letting go.

Grandchildren were and are wonderful. But even that has changed; all but one grandchild is in their 20's now.

All our children live out of state. I miss them coming to the house.

My husband and I are now great grand parents...what a joy!!!

I have learned there is a lot of "letting go." Trusting The Lord.

I fight getting old. I don't want to think or act or dress old.''

I often joke that I am in "preservation." 

my husband had a heart attack a couple of years ago and that was an awakening. It left me shaken. Now, if he has heart burn or any symptom I get concerned (he doesn't seem to.)

There are many things to embrace...retirement...Bible studies...visiting with friends. Having my husband with me. Our children coming to visit. 

Yes. I am looking and searching in this new season of life.

I write and teach a Bible study and I mentor some younger gals which is a joy.

My prayer is that my life will bring Jesus Christ glory, at each stage and each season. Amen.

TRUE IDENTITY

Gloria Phifer

Last week, when I was reading a book on "identity,"  I had a wonderful experience with The Lord.

The identity had to do with "fathers" and it has not been a pleasant subject or thought of mine...sometimes it was too painful and I didn't want to go there. ( I will say that The Lord has been bringing me back to this for years.)

That morning, I was remembering, when I was young, how people would tell me I looked like my "daddy". I thought he was my real biological father. we both had dark hair and hazel eyes. When I was ten my mother told me he wasn't my real dad.

My biological father lived in California. they had divorced when I was three. My mother told me I looked like him. And that he didn't care anything about me or he wouldn't have given up custody of me.

Yes, at 10 years old, you can have an identity crises. I couldn't look like the man I had called "daddy" because he wasn't my real dad. (also a few months later, still as a ten year old, trying to understand everything, the man I had called "Daddy", died.)

But, I looked like a man I could not remember seeing? and my mother told me I had his characteristics also? And that I reminded her of him?

As I was thinking about this...last week...The Lord said very plainly in my heart..."You look like your Papa God!!!" 

It was so real...so profound. It kept coming as if it was sinking deeply into me...I look like my Papa God. Tears came into my eyes and I began wiping them away. 

It is hard to explain what it is like when God makes something so real to your heart. As if the scales are falling off your eyes and your heart. A  revelation, that you know is true. It is really miraculous...I don't know how else to explain it. It is if He reaches down, pulls back a curtain, speaks and you know it is The Truth. 

I know...I look like my Father God...my Papa God....I am His child. I have His characteristics. He wanted me. He planned my birth. He had a plan for my life. I belong to Him...He is my Papa God.

I can't began to tell you what an impact that truth has made in me. I am no longer that little girl who didn't know who she was or where she belonged, or even if she was wanted? 

I have a Papa God...and I look like Him!!!

What a profound truth!!! He created me. He planned me. He saved me. He lives inside me, through His Holy spirit. I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. Wow!!! I look like my Papa God!!! That is my identity. That is my eternity...with Him.

IDENTITY IN CHRIST

Gloria Phifer

Identity has become a big issue in our country. Everywhere we go, if we go to the doctor, travel etc., we must prove our identity.

I had an identity crises in my life. At the age of ten, I was told about my real father, Warren Kenneth Bolding. I found out that my mom and father had divorced when I was 3. My mom told me my real father didn’t care about me, or he wouldn’t have given up custody of me. I was also told, I had a sister from his first marriage. It was a lot to take in as a ten year old. I thought my stepdad was my father…now I found out he wasn’t. Now I knew my brother and I had different fathers. (my step dad died 3 months later in a accident at his work.)

I decided that someday I would find my real father. What bothered me the most, was that I was told he didn’t care about me.

The summer, before I married my husband, (I was 19 yrs. old.) we found out that Warren Kenneth had died of a massive heart attack.  I was so sad. I would never meet him.

In my 40’s, I was thinking about my sister, I had never met. My mother sent me a letter, saying she had been in contact with someone who knew her. My mother gave me the information of where my sister worked. I wrote a letter, not knowing if she even knew about me. A week later I received a phone call from my sister. She said, “Gloria, I have been looking for you for 21 years.”

I had married and moved to Iowa. She was in New Mexico. I visited her.

The only thing we had in common was a father that neither of us knew. My sister knew our grandfather (who had also passed away.) She gave my father's  first cousin, who lived in Texas, my address.  She sent me a lot of information on the Bolding family. But, not much detail about Warren Kenneth.

Years later, when our son moved to California, I visited him. He drove me to San Diego and I found my father’s grave. We had his old address, but the freeway had taken that area.

A few weeks later, after I flew back to Iowa, my husband and I drove our son’s pickup to California.

We stopped in Phoenix. I had made contact with Warren Kenneth’s nephew and his wife. We spent the evening with them. Once again, I was disappointed. The nephew didn’t know him well. My father remained a mystery man.

That night, after we returned to the motel, I went to the pool. I was there alone. Once again I had this sadness. An emptiness. 

“Identity” kept coming into my mind. I listened and The Lord spoke to my heart, “Your identity is in Me.” (I hadn’t realized I was looking for identity.)

The Lord really began a new process in me. He had given me identity. My identity IS IN HIM. HE IS MY FATHER.

He wanted me. He ordained my life. I was chosen by Him before the foundation of the world. (Ephesians 1). He would never abandon me...never leave me nor forsake me.

 The Lord replaced that search for : “learning who I am In Christ Jesus.” True identity, as a Child of My Father Who is in Heaven and The King of Kings and Lord of Lords.    His Holy Spirit lives within me.
I belong.

MY FATHER'S CHILD

I AM MY FATHER'S CHILD





  

A QUEST FOR IDENTITY

By Gloria Phifer

            Identity…"The state of being identified. The condition or character as to who a person is." (Dictionary.)

            I never knew my real father.  He and my mother were divorced when I was three. I didn't know that he even existed until I was ten. My mother told me. I had always thought my step father, Slim, was my dad.

            My mother said he lived in California. My Aunt Ruby told me he had loved my mom. My Uncle Don (who had been his friend) told me he was a good guy…didn't drink and was a good business man. He owned a business in California. Other then that…he was a mystery. He had been in the 2nd World War when I was born. He was in the Army Air Force.  My mother also told me he didn't care anything about me or he wouldn't have given up custody of me…OUCH!

            I day dreamed about finding him. When I was older I would go to California and search for him.  That dream was never realized. When I was 19 years old (right before I married) my grandmother sent a letter…my father, age 41, had died of a massive heart attack.

            When I was in my 40"s my mother told me how I could find his daughter, Linda Lee. She was 4 years older than me. When I contacted her the first words were, "Gloria, I've been looking for you for 21 years." My mother had written her mother a letter asking if Linda and I could meet. Linda's step father said, "No." When Linda got married and left home she began searching for me. My family was a rolling stone that never gathered moss. We were always on the move.

            I flew to New Mexico, where Linda was, and we tried to put our information together about this man who had fathered us. Linda was on the same quest that I was on. Linda had more pictures then I did and she had known our grandfather. I did learn more about the family. For instance, my father's grandparents, were traveling, Baptist Evangelists.

My dad's mother was very musical; she played the guitar and sang. She sang in church and on the radio.

            After this visit, I received letters from my father's first cousin and she sent me pictures of the family. She told me my dad had very fair skin (did not like to be out in the sun…and neither do I) He had blue eyes.

            So, I was gathering information. But who was this man? My mother said I looked like him and was a lot like him.  Who was he???

            Our son Timothy moved to California through his job. I visited him there and he took me to San Diego. We found my father's grave…he was buried in a military cemetery.

            On another visit to California, my husband and I spent an evening with my father's nephew. (We had been in contact through mail.)  His mother was my father's sister. I found out my grandmother and Aunt had both died of heart attacks. Another sister had died of cancer. There was really no one else to contact. As we visited that evening with my cousin…I realized he had not spent much time with my father. I found out about his mother, my aunt, but not my father.

            When we returned to the motel my husband went to the room. I decided to go to the swimming pool. There was no one there but me. I felt this emptiness…the void of not knowing my father. I was disappointed.

            As I began to pray the word "identity" kept surfacing in my mind. Finally, I listened.

I heard the gentle voice of the Lord speak to my heart…"your identity is in Me!"

I said, "Yes Lord, my identity is in You."

            The Lord began a wonderful work in my life. He began teaching me who I am in Him…In Christ. I have a Father. A Father Who will never leave me or forsake me.

My earthly father's DNA is in me.  Christ's DNA flows through me.

            I was not a child that was planned or wanted. The Lord showed me I was born because He wanted me. He has a destiny for my life. He planned me from the beginning. My Heavenly Father…the One Who gave me life.

            It is interesting; from that time forward I have never felt the need to search for any more information on my earthly dad. I have received some from an unexpected source. But, even then I was at peace. The Lord had settled it in my heart.

            I have a Father Who wanted me…is always there for me…meets all my needs and loves me with an everlasting love. 

            Jeremiah 1:5 "He has known us from the womb and has called us by name." Ps 139:13-18 He has covered us in our mother's womb. He saw us being formed before we were born.

I am my Father's child.