This afternoon, in the hospital, I looked down into the face of my
first Great granddaughter. What a miracle. She had just been born.
I was thinking back to 1943, when my mother, at the age 17, realized she was pregnant. She was married...but unhappily. In fact, she and my biological father were married and divorced twice.
It was on the second try, that I was conceived.
My mother was not happy. My grandmother and my aunt talked to her about abortion. My mother had seen her sister go through an abortion, and thankfully she did give birth to a 9 pound baby girl...who she named, Gloria.
I'm sure my mother loved me, but through the years, she told me I reminded her of my dad, who she said she never loved. she told me I had ruined her body when I was born. When I was a teenager, in front of me, she told my grandmother "Gloria has ruined my life."
As you can imagine...I had a lot of insecurity and little self worth.
Besides being in a household of alcohol. Changing schools 14 times in 12 years. There were times I wondered if life was worth living.
During those years there were times when The Lord would deal with my heart.
I almost drowned,at the age of 12, and the boy with me, swimming in the Rio Grande river, did drown."Would I have gone to Heaven?" I couldn't say "Yes", to that question coming in my mind.
I felt that I should have been the one who died, not my friend.
My life was really hard, I felt. Then a friend introduced me to a young man from Iowa, who was in the air force. We were both 18 years old. At 19 I married him and through events I ended up in Iowa. He was sent to Alaska through the Air Force and I couldn't go. While he was gone, I had our daughter. Our 1st child. (my mothers 1st grandchild.)
I was telling my husband lately that I never felt safe or secure as a child. I didn't know what peace was. I was always alert. I fought a lot of fear. It became so bad, even though I had a wonderful husband, a child, a home, I didn't know how to cope. I was constantly fighting fear.
I went to church with a neighbor and they told me to begin reading the Bible in the Gospel of John. Every afternoon, as my daughter took a nap, I read.
I understood. God was calling me to Him. I truly was "born again." and then filled with The Holy Spirit. I was 22 yrs old.
Two more children were added to our family. My mother now had three grandchildren...even though she could not enjoy her family because of addiction.
I am the only one of my mother's children who had children.
I was the first Christian in our family. I had the wonderful privilege of seeing my mother, brother and step dad receive Christ.
Then my husband and I began having grandchildren (my mothers great grandchildren). What a joy!!!
what a joy to live in peace. To know The Lord...to have a family.
So this afternoon, as I looked into the beautiful face of my first great grandchild I thanked The Lord. He has given life. He has given posterity. He has given peace and harmony. He has given family.
My mother and step dad are in Heaven now...she would be a great, great grandmother today. Thank God she let a baby girl, named Gloria, be Born.
One of the things that really has helped me was when The Lord revealed to my heart, I was not born for my parents...I was born for Him...For my God Who gave me life. Thank You Lord for bringing me into Your Salvation...into Your family...I am Your daughter...the daughter of The King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
And Thank You Lord for our family. I have lived to see our Great Grandchild and more to come. I am truly blessed.