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Saturday, August 29, 2015

HOW IT FEELS TO BE ALONE.

Gloria Phifer

I am joining the FMF group of ladies...the word is "ALONE."
Gloria Sherlene Williams

I entered the elementary school. I knew no one.

 My step father, had accidentally been electrocuted, on his job as a lineman, for the New Mexico Public Service, in the early summer. My mother had decided to move us to Socorro, New Mexico.

My 10 year old heart pounded as I walked into my 5th grade classroom.  Heads turned toward me. I was the "new" girl.

At recess, yes, we still had recess. I stood alone. The other girls jumped rope and I watched.  My heart ached. I had lost the only father I knew, and had been taken out of everything that was familiar. 

This happened to me 14 times in the years to come. I was always the "new" girl. Most of my childhood I felt "alone." (accept for my cat.)

 I felt alone, as my mother and new stepdad joined the world of alcohol. I was left alone with my younger brother, until my Mom would come home, after 2Am in the morning (after the bars closed). 

I felt alone, as a 12 year old, struggling against the yellow water swallowing me in the Rio Grande river. A friend and I had decided to try swimming...only to find ourselves in an 8 foot hole.

Unbeknownst to me, they say, I went to the bottom and pushed myself up over and over again. Thanks to my friends dad, I lived.  But, my friend died. I was so alone, in my sorrow and survival guilt. My friend had died,and I had lived. 

I was so alone, as my mother became more abusive. She let me know, I reminded her of my real father, who she didn't love. I was so alone, when she was verbal, mentally and physically abusive. 

One night, when I was a teenager, I was at a dance. I had looked forward to this all week. As I was circled with friends...I felt this deep loneliness...you might as well have put a spot light on me. It was a deep emptiness.( I know now...it was God, spot lighting my heart.)

I could go on... At 20 years old, I was told that my husband was being sent to Alaska (air force). We had only been married 5 months. He was on a site where I could not go. 

 Not sure I wanted to live. And then...discovering I had a "Life" inside me. I was expecting our daughter! I began crying at the doctor's office, when he told me. It was out of joy. As I carried Terrie, I never felt alone. 

 My husband came home. I had a wonderful husband, a daughter, a home. But inside of me, I fought a lot of fear. I felt alone in that fear. 

I began reading the Bible. In the Book of John. I saw where Jesus said, "Any one who comes to me I will not cast him out." What I saw in this passage was, that if I came to Him, He would take me in.  I came to Jesus. I was 22 years old. 

He delivered me from fear. He gave me a reason to live. He showed me how He has always wanted me. How He has always loved me.
I am never alone. He is always with me. 

Now, when I walk into some place new...I know He is with me. 

If you feel alone, abandoned, rejected...call on The Name of Jesus...you will find Someone Who loves you. Someone Who will fill that empty place. Someone Who walks with you every moment of every day. 

Jesus said..."Come unto Me all you who are weak and heavy laden and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28.

You never have to be alone again.  Ask Jesus into your life.
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