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| With our youngest granddaughter.. great .Joy |
I speak a lot from my life...my point of reference. When I was 19 yrs old I married the love of my life. There was joy. We stood in front of a Pastor, in his house, with two friends and their baby. I shifted in the blue, size 5 1/2 shoes, that I had borrowed (I wore 6 1/2) The white dress I wore was borrowed also. We didn't have a camera so there are no pictures.
I had a new last name. I had never owned a car and now I had a car plus a husband. LOL.
There was joy. Almost immediately I was expecting. There was joy! We wanted this child. When I began cramping I was so afraid. I screamed at the doctor on the air force base (My husband was in the Air force) "I do not want to lose this baby!!!" The poor man, it was eleven at night and this young woman is demanding to keep this baby. Of course he had no power to do keep me from miscarrying. Our joy turned into sorrow.
We were still happy to be married. My husband said "We should have married a long time ago." Well let's see...I was 19 and he was 20..I don't think a long time ago would have worked.
There were times of laughter when my husband invited his buddy and date to come to supper. We had 4 melmac plates, 4 forks and one sharp knife. I mashed potatoes, put them in a plastic bowl and put them in the oven (on low, I think). When I opened the oven door every one " oohed and aaawed"..it was beautiful. It looked like meringue. The bowl had melted.
My husband was given a dog from the colonel on the base. I had made my first meat loaf. I gave the dog the remains...he got sick. We had 7 dollars and yes, the vet cost 7 dollars. But there was joy. We were learning. (Hopefully I was learning to cook.)
Five months into our marriage, my husband received orders from the Air Force. He would be stationed in Alaska. On a base that was isolated. I could not go with him. Where did the joy go?
I felt no joy. I had lost my first baby. My husband would be leaving for a year. I knew I wouldn't survive if I returned to my family of origin...Alcohol...and I had gone through a lot of abuse.
We came to the Midwest. We lived with his parents for a month before he left. Every afternoon I would begin crying. I saw no hope. When he left, I went into a depression. The sun was shining but it was like the lens of my soul were dark. Was life worth living? I was living among strangers.
Truthfully I didn't feel that I was wanted there. I had no joy.
I began working in a overhaul factory (my mother in laws idea). It was my first summer in humidity.
There was no air conditioning and behind my sewing machine were the hot steam irons.
I was getting sick. My clothes were not fitting. Finally, I went to a doctor.
I was pregnant!!! I began crying. The doctor looked at me, wondering why I was crying? I was crying for JOY!!! I wanted this child. Even though my new family was not encouraging to me about being pregnant.
When my husband called, he had joy too. I quit the job; because I did not want to do anything to lose this child. I remember the first time I felt the small, butterfly movement in my stomach. It was wondrous...A baby was with in me and was moving. Our first child, Terrie Lynn was born in January. I had joy!!!
Our daughter and I moved into our own apartment. I knew nothing about postpartum after having a baby. I fought depression. For 4 months, in my first Midwest winter, I looked out at a brick wall. For 4 months I was the only one who took care of Terrie. I waited anxiously for April to come when my husband would return. I really thought I was losing it.
When my husband returned...there was joy!!! He was done with his 4 years in the Air Force.
We moved to another town. Miraculously, a builder gave us a wonderful opportunity to own a small 3 bedroom house. I was still fighting fear...There was no reason for me not to have joy. My husband was home, I had a baby girl I loved. I had my own home. But I was empty.
It is a long story so I will tell you the solution. When I was 22 yrs old I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life and I was filled with the Holy Spirit. For the first time in my life...I knew REAL JOY!!!
That was 48 years ago.
I have had so much joy. The Lord has been so good to us. I am so thankful. We have 3 children and 9 grandchildren. I have had the joy of seeing my Mother, my brother and my step dad accept the Lord plus all our children. All but the youngest grandchild have told me they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior.
I found the true joy...HIS NAME IS JESUS CHRIST! Are you searching for joy? Call on His Name...Acts 2:21 "Whosoever shall call on the Name of the Lord shall be saved. There is JOY!
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